Motherhood (the last three months)

Warning: This blog entry is worth 5 or more entries.

Here are two absolutes I wanted since I got wound up of being pregnant:

1. A normal delivery: I, like most idealistic moms-to-be, had that movie playing in our head... at the end of the three trimesters, I will be woken up in the middle of the night of some sign (pain) that I'm about to give birth. I will then wake my husband (partner) and we will scramble to the hospital, excited, scared, and worried but mostly excited.

2. Breastfeeding solely: It is definitely best for babies up to 2 years. And I was determined to breastfeed entirely for the next two years of my Kulay's life.

These absolutes were to crumble just as I face them.

1. 2 weeks prior to my due date, Kulay my boy has not locked down yet. However, my OB was positive (even more than before) that we could have a normal delivery since according to her external palpation of Kulay in my belly, he wasn't a big baby. The next week, still no lock down. My OB had to check Kulay's head size via a pelvic xray, and he fits. And since at that time, my amniotic fluid was still enough, we were to wait another week to give Kulay a chance to lock down. I tried my best to do a lot of moving around despite the bad weather just so Kulay would find his way down, in fact, I was almost certain that the pain I feel near my vajayjay could be the sign that Kulay has really locked down as he should have. At my Sept. 10 visit, still no luck. Cesarian section it is... to be done on the 12th, a date I picked. (I might as well choose the date since I now have some sort of control on that issue, I wish it was the 9th though).

On the morning of Sept. 12, packed with more clothes than I previously prepacked, armed with my body pillow and comforter, Josua and I head to the hospital knowing I was going to be cracked open at around 10am. We were being expected at the emergency room, although there seem to be no apparent emergency. The OR nurse went down to prep me for the "operation" (first one I've ever had in my entire life) she attached an IV (rather well, so much so that even if it were just hanging by my wrist via plasters it never moved or caused me unnecessary pain), she shaved me in the tummy and "down there" (which sorta shocked me cause my baby wasn't passing through the vajayjay anyway) and she shaved rather vigorously as if I was a pig ready to be slaughtered. When I sorta complained about her vigorous moves, she non-chalantly answered: "Ganyan talaga para matanggal lahat." (It's really that way. So we're sure we remove all the hair.)

We were admitted at 8 am, went to the ward to wait for the operating room to be ready til 9. I met my anesthesiologist at around 9.30. He explained the drug he was going to use, and asked if I want to be awake when Kulay gets out, of course I said yes. And then he joked around with the male nurses about how this motel nearby was servicing transpo for customers in and out of their facility, but before I could say my two cents worth about the joke, he had injected the dormicum to put me to sleep. True to his word, at 10.04 he woke me right when Kulay was out, showed Kulay's face to my groggyness, and even let Kulay latch on one of my nipples for a brief moment. After which I was in a series of groggy wakefulness and sleep. I remember having chills like there's no tomorrow. I remember saying "ang lamig" (It's cold.). I remember a kind nurse wrapping my arms with extra blanket. I remember the other older anesthesiologist reading his newspaper very near my face, and I swear I would strangle him if I sneezed. I remember the clock at 11am, 12nn, and then 1pm.

Then my OB, whom I saw for the first time that morning, told me that she made the incision smaller, although still vertical. As much as the bikini cut would have been good for my body type, we needed a vertical incision so that she could have enough room to biopsy the cysts in both my ovaries. And she then told me another sort of good news and bad news. They found the cyst in my left ovary has ruptured and has spread it's grime in the ovary and the fallopian tube. She was going to try to save the body parts but decided on removing them entirely since the cyst has already ruined and killed the nerves on the tube for it to function normally.

A few minutes later, I saw Kulay's pediatrician, whom I have previosly chosen and spoken to. She says he's okay, realized he could bring him in and then went to the nursery for him. I see my boy and Dra. Torres brings him to my face for a kiss. To the doctors' surprise, I asked the weirdest question: "What color are his balls?" This was a pertinent question as that would declare Kulay's future as a kid. It was reddish and grayish. Which left the thought in my head unanswered, and filed it in my head to check later on as soon as I see him outside the OR. To those who are wondering, the balls would tell if the boy would be fair or dark skinned.

As the people were closing me up, I remember having a conversation with my doctors about my dogs; that I'll be selling some shih tzus and giving away an lab/askal mix pups. Dr. Nablo, the anesthesiologist asked for the only male pup among Tala's lot. And I promised to save it for him. And he said he'll drop by the ward later on to check on me, which was actually just so he could make sure I remember my drugged promise.

I was monitored for about an hour or so, if I'm not mistaken I left the recovery area, which is actually the same operating room, at around 3pm. Josua was right outside waiting for me. I have never seen so much concern and pride. He's already seen Kulay and says he looks like him. In my head I said, "Let me be the judge of that." To me, it really didn't matter much who Kulay looks like as long as he is safe and would be in arms soon.

I was hoping I could see Kulay when I woke up around 6pm, but realized I was attached to the bed with the catheter and since I'm not allowed to lift my head for a while, that would mean, I'll be seeing Kulay the next day. :(

The next day, a Sunday (bad choice to be operated on a Saturday), I was eager to show the nursing staff that I'm all better. I could lift my upper body, sway to the left and the right, and as soon as the attending OB okayed for the catheter to be removed, I asked for the nurse to remove it immediately, she even kindly gave me a sponge bath and changed my hospital gown, I also requested to see Kulay. Soon after, a man trolling a wheelchair appeared, he was to bring me to the Nursery. I saw my boy for the first time without the effects of the sleeping drug and anesthesia. I was teary eyed. I didn't care if the pedia nurse could hear me, with squeaky, cracking, sobbing voice, I sang to Kulay. I stayed only 15mins, Kulay wouldn't latch on both boobs yet, we were both novice at the art of breastfeeding. I went up and changed to my normal clothes, right in time for my visitors arrival, Josua's parents with his niece, Yan-yan; my aunt, Ate Boling; my uncle, Kuya Mon with my cousin Evan; Kuya Leihson and his soon-to-be-wife, Ayha.

Our first family picture was to be taken that afternoon at the nursery nursing/waiting area.




I requested Kulay to be roomed in with me but my pedia arrived at the hospital late that night. Dra. Torres arrived promptly the following day and told me Kulay would be brought to me soon, and she'd be back later that afternoon as soon as my OB signs my release papers.

As I look back, the C-section wasn't that bad after all. The worst part of it was not being allowed to eat and drink until I've farted (to be sure my digestive system (intestines) are aligned). That was the most famished and thirsty I've ever been my entire life. Healing which was my major concern is after all as subjective as one's choice of how they want their eggs done. I am after all a fighter. So I fought the pain. Motherhood is not qualified by what kind of delivery a mother went through. And as I told the student nurse who volunteered to clean Kulay's poop (the first one I witnessed), "Go on... I will have years of cleaning up after my son's mess."

2. Breastfeeding is best for babies up to 2 years. Everyone knows so. To me and my pocket's disappointment, I would have to supplement with the pedia's recommended formula.

Two weeks prior to giving birth I have complained to my OB about a hardness and pain in my left nipple. A pain which even made me sleep sitting down since sleeping on my left side was too much to handle for the said nipple. The pain went away although the blockage stayed. Sad to say, my OB wasn't as concerned as I was. As I have predicted, Kulay wouldn't latch on the left boob, I felt like I was punishing him whenever I'd put him on that teat.

I think it was an infection caused by the cyst's rupture. My OB doesn't seem to agree also she didn't know what to do with it and just adviced me to let Josua suck on the boob to aid in the loosening of the blockage. And we tried all we could do. I had 3 manghihilots see me. They all were able to successfully give my right boob more milk but none of them was able to do anything with the blocked areola/nipple area. We were advised to put chili leaves on the areola, and we did that... For a while I thought it was working. One night, Josua and I even stayed up just pumping and working the blockage out to no avail. For a month now, I have resigned to the fact that I'll only be feeding with my right boob, if one looks closely you'll notice it's bigger than the other. I will have to top up with formula whenever Kulay doesn't seem satisfied; for at least one feeding during the night; and when Kulay seem to cry for the bottle and not my boob.

All I can say is "I tried my best."

MaKulay Cowboy: "Howdy Pardner!"

Pattern by: Alan Dart
Published in: Simply Knitting Magazine

I started making this about a month ago... I set it down when I had to make something for a friend's newborn twins.

It was Josua's eagerness that I make this which made me really want to finish it. -- daddy-to-be wants his son to be a cowboy...

NOTE: Hat, Gun, Holster, Green waistcoat are all removable.

Dr. Google and Latest Ultrasound Results

In this day and age, nothing is ever so difficult to understand... even medical jargon that doctors themselves have difficulty explaining in layman's terms.

This is what I do every time I have any prenatal tests, I bring home the results and google the terms and their normal or abnormal values. This makes me rarely surprised with what the doctor will be telling me the following day...

I, of course, still listen to how my OB-GYNE would interpret the results I hand to her.

Yesterday, I had, as my FB status says, possibly my last ultrasound prior to "Labor Day." It has words like posterior placenta, cephalic presentation, amniotic fluid index, estimated fetal weight (self explanatory), etc...

So before explaining my googled results, lemme share my most "assaulting" ultrasound experience...

I was to see another OB-Gyne Sonologist (Dr. B) as recommended by my own OB-Gyne Sonologist (Dr. A) because she rather have two points of view with the results. I was told to go to the hospital early so that I'd be served first. As early birds go, I arrived 15 mins before the doctor's scheduled clinic hours, 3.45 pm. Good thing I had my handy dandy knitting kit, Dr. B arrived at the hospital before 6pm and she seemed tired. I was supposed to be the first one but since, another "later" patient was a friend of the MedTechs, I came second. Coming out of the the ultrasound room before my turn, Dr. B states: "I'm so tired." My heart goes to her, even if I was half cursing all the people in the world who turn up late and cause unnecessary stress to the people who wait for them. After all, she could have been saving hundreds of babies that day...

As I wait for Dr. B to interpret the results for her first patient of the night, I lay back on the ultrasound table and chit chat with the technician who knows I've been waiting long... apparently she's a chronic late comer. Ashamed by my myriads of stretch marks, I opened up by stating how ugly my tummy looks. It was nice of her to say that she's seen worse and that mine wasn't that bad.

Dr. B enters the room, with some sort of a tired smile, robotically asks:

"When was your last menstrual period?"
I reply.
"First baby?"
I reply.

She types these info then methodically squeezes uber cold KY jelly on my hugely engorged tummy. She then places the scanner and starts prodding in all directions... Seeing what seems to be the head I gush and smile (I guess like all expectant mothers do.) She starts measuring, marking, and inputing texts and numbers on the screen. And the miss-eager-beaver-mother-to-be in me asks her: Is that the arms? That's the head? Oh, that's the lips.

She shuts me up saying let me do my measuring first then I can show you which is which. hehe... I wasn't offended really, I know I could be too "kulet" It was when she was showing me Kulay's face that I felt assaulted. Kulay's hands and fingers where covering half his face. We could only make out his lips and two nostrils. To sort of nudge Kulay to move his hands away, Dr. B started vigorously pushing my tummy sideways... She did this several times. It didn't really hurt me but I thought it might have hurt Kulay. I know if Josua was with me, he'd have stopped the doctor from what she was doing. Although, a part of me knows, that she wouldn't be doing it if she knows that was wrong. But still... All this vigorous prodding was to no avail. Below is the uber grainy 2D low tech ultrasound picture of Kulay's lips without a cleft pallete (Thank God!):


This session ends with "Okay we're done." as she quickly strips the print out off the printer and leaves the room immediately...

Glad it was over, and I could head back home, I brushed off her "cold" send off.

Here are some words that scared me at first:

posterior placenta - early in my pregnancy I was told my placenta was low lying, after googling it then, it could be what was termed placenta previa, which is a case where the placenta is blocking the birth canal. This usually causes heavy bleeding and would require and emergency C-section. Now after googling "posterior placenta presentation" I was happy to know that it's the best possible result. My placenta is by the uterus wall near my spine.

cephalic presentation - with how the picture was looking on screen I was, once again, scared that my baby was in horizontal position on my tummy which would mean C-section again, because it wouldn't be Kulay's head trying to push down the birth canal but rather his back! After googling, I was relieved to know that even if Kulay hasn't yet "locked down" on my pelvic bone, his head was pointing down and ready to "enlighten" anytime soon. (Sigh of relief here.)

estimated fetal weight (self explanatory) - this I guess is a very important factor... hmmm... the first value I looked for when the result was handed to me. It was written in grams and not in pounds. So I had to take out my cellphone and go to tools and open my measurement converter application. 2980 grams equals a whopping 6.57 lbs!!! Sheesh! Kulay is big! I hope he fits. I need to start walking A LOT! and I think last night would be my last hello to rice.

I'm still praying for a normal delivery...

What did I do to deserve this?

I have wanted to visit this spa in Quezon City which specializes in prenatal massage. When I hit 2nd trimester I knew my back was going to suffer really badly, so I craved a massage everyday and would only read about this spa and its reviews over the net but not really knowing when I'd be able to get it done on me. It's just an awful waste of time, effort, money and energy to travel from Cavite to QC just for a massage when I'd have to travel back to Cavite soon after...

Then yesterday morning, as I was settling into my now normal routine of feeding my shih tzu's pups and making sure that Sofia (the dam) gets to take her meds and drink her milk (since it's the only thing she tolerates, although I still have to force it on her), a question was brought up by my dear dear Josua: "Gusto mong massage?" (You want a massage?) And acting a little bit less excited, I said: "Well, who would say no to that?", while I hide a grin that has spread across my face.

I didn't know when this massage was going to transpire, but I looked forward to it the entire day.

Apparently, he's been youtube-ing prenatal massages the entire day and learning the strokes...

That night at around 8.30pm, from the very first warm oily stroke along my calves, I have felt heaven. He didn't knead me like a dough, as I was accustomed to with previous massages I've experienced, it was a very gentle, very loving rub. And I could feel my dear Kulay moving in my belly, probably sensing the relief and relaxation his momma is experiencing.

I loved the shoulder rub, my shoulder's have been taking a beating since the pups have arrived, but the best part of it all is when Josua told me: "Nag-eenjoy ako sa ginagawa ko." (I'm enjoying what I'm doing.) That just sealed it. I am sure to coax another round of this before and after I give birth. At least I didn't force it on him.

When he finished with both sides of my body, I was sort of in a trance, super relaxed and almost asleep but conscious enough to know it's over. If I didn' have to feed the pups for the last time before I sleep, I would have just dozed off at that moment.

Just to be certain, as I was going through the pups one last time before I sleep, I thanked my love, Josua, for the best massage EVER! (better than the most expensive ones I've tried) and I subtly, vocally, wondered "Mauulit kaya ito?" (Would it happen again?)

And the answer was a happy "YES."

Stopping a one sock syndrome

The one sock syndrome is a common dilemma faced by sock knitters (or anything that comes in pairs). The knitter tend to not finish the next partner of the pair for some reason or another. This happens to me usually when I am wrought with so many design ideas.

I saw an online pattern for a handmade baby shoe made of fabric. Since I don't have my own sewing machine, I opted to adapt the pattern and knit each piece together instead. I had to resize it as well, because pattern was for 6 mos to 1 year.

The pattern was an adaptation but the design is solely mine.

KNIT SKILL LEVEL: Intermediate SKILLS: Cabling; decreasing stitches; simple pattern making

The 1st three pictures are the pieces knitted separately.



Sew the long piece #2 to piece #1 to make the heel. Thread garter through the fold to make shoe fit.


(no picture) Sew the 3rd piece to cover the toe.

BELOW is the finished product.



Going back to the title: the only way I was able to not get stuck in the one sock syndrome rut was to excite myself about blogging about this. They're just so cute! I have so many design ideas in mind, I just wish I have more hands to finish all of them...

Layette set for another baby

When I found out a good friend of mine was pregnant, I knew I was going to have to knit something for the baby.

Around the time I was knitting these tiny things, I still believed I was having a girl, and enjoyed the break of making little boys stuff for my friend. She was a month ahead and she knew earlier that she was having a boy.

I started with the beanie, then on to the pair of booties, and then the mitts. the rattle ball was a last minute addition after realizing I have left over yarn and there's enough space left in the box for something. I thought, I might as well knit something that could be used for longer since the rest are all newborn fit.

The color was something not so baby-ish, but I knew the mom would appreciate it.

My friends know, I'm not one to go basic on gift wrapping. It's something I really enjoy. And I always believed that the time and effort put into wrapping the gift is just as important as the gift itself, specially if it's reusable.

I don't know if my friend noticed, but the ribbon was the same ribbon she used for the gift she gave me for my shower.

The gift tag was the last thing I made. I wanted something that would hint as to what may be inside the box, at the same time, it would be something the mom could stitch into something or just give a better use of.

YU-TEE-AY, and the days that follow its discovery

(this is a LOOOOONNGGGG one, narrative ang tawag dito)

Early on in my pregnancy, I started getting used to bladder issues, it was my first complaint to my OB as I was describing to her how I was feeling after knowing I was pregnant. I was told it's normal to be peeing more often. Hah!

On my 6th month visit to my OB, I told her that I'm itchy down there. And that whenever I feel like peeing and having a full bladder I would pee too little to my dismay and discomfort. She immediately suspected that I have a urinary track infection, thus, a urine sample was in order. After proving her suspicions, she gave me prescription of antibiotics which I have to take 3 times a day for 7 days with the additional instruction of drinking loads of water.

And the adventure happens the following day:

I was set to meet with a dear friend, Wanda, who just had a knee operation. I couldn't visit her then, due to her exposure to someone with chicken pox, so we set a date when she was already able to get out of the house to meet up.

Taking to heart, my doctor's last instruction. I was on water therapy from the get go. I knew I was gonna pee a lot but I didn't know what was in store for me until I left the house. I actually made sure I peed 3 times before leaving. However, I have only walked a few meters from the gate when I started feeling the urge but it wasn't that great an urge, so I disregarded it and rode the bus which was to take me 'til Baclaran. 2 mins in, I was really really feeling it! Good thing there was a stop near a Chowking where the bus would be waiting a while, I spoke to the conductor and told him to wait for me, I just needed to pee. (that was a relief!)

Now, I thought, maybe this would be the last until I reach Baclaran. Was I so WRONG! 10 mins, into the ride, about 30 mins away from SM Bacoor (my nearest possible Toilet access) I was feeling the urge again. I was feeling it everytime the Bus had a sudden move. I was able to make it to SM, however when I had my chance to go down, it felt like I could make it til Baclaran. So I forged on. But on that very short but very jammed Aguinaldo road that will lead the bus to Coastal, the urge seemed to be stronger... there was light in the fact that a Jollibee was on the way. But then again, I still felt like I could make it til Baclaran, so I forged on still!!! (Sayang ang pamasahe). Good thing Coastal road wasn't that jammed that day, save for the stop light at the end of it. By that time I was really set on going down Airport Road, there was a KFC near the corner, I just needed to go down on a red light, otherwise I'd be climbing up and down the pedestrian walkway. Yey! Red light, right when the Bus was infront of the pedestrian passage. OH noh!!! Such bad timing for the traffic enforcer to assist in the flow of traffic, he was letting the cars from Coastal move forward to ease the traffic! I had no choice, I had to wait til Baclaran.

In Baclaran, the driver chose to stop a few meters after the pedestrian opening, My nearest toilet access was a 2 minute brisk walk, which I could only describe as hell-ish for me. However, upon reaching Mang Inasal's restrooms, I was SOOO glad that there wasn't any line, as I was prepared to beg whoever was first in line. The trip to this restroom may have been hell, but the relief that follow after was definitely close enough to Heaven.

I was already on EDSA when Wanda sent a text: "Mare, I found something on my arm. It may be chicken pox, it's not itchy, but it could be it. So your call..." Sheesh after all I've been through! Good thing, a blessing in disguise of sorts, I was also on my way to see a friend (and her family) at her father's burial. Or else, I would have seriously seriously thrown a fit! hahaha! (Actually not really, I also scheduled this to go to SM for my baby shower registry, but still)

The rest of the day was easy enough, I guess I learned my lesson well.

So I canceled my meet up with Wanda. For lunch, I took my antibiotics with not so much water, but still more than usual, I was in a mall anyway, there's toilet everywhere. And I'll just be 10 mins away from where my friend is by cab.

Stayed a while at the funeral, hoping to catch the early birds among our friends. Left about 7-ish, took a cab to Galleria and then took a bus to MOA, I had an easy takeout for dinner and took my antibiotics with enough water. Traffic wasn't that bad. I was still on a major peeing mode when I got home, but it wasn't as bad as it was in the morning.

What a day! I don't want to have to take medication again during this pregnancy!!! It's just a huge hassle.

The not so Minor Rash

Forget oggling over the size of that tummy, just look at those red blotches!!!

I've read in so many articles and books, that during the last trimester, sleep would be hard to come by because of difficulty finding a good sleeping position. I knew I don't want it to happen to me, so early on in the pregnancy, I've trained myself to sleep on one side. (Although, I miss lying flat on my back with my feet up on a couple of pillows. This will be my reward after labor.) Now, that was a big NOT TRUE for my own pregnancy.

During my previous blog, I mentioned a rash in my tummy which I regarded as MINOR. I guess it was the biggest mistake of my pregnant life.

This RASH has kept me up half the night. If I just sweat a little on the side I was lying on, that would itch a bit and if I unconsciously start scratching that bit, I would eventually wake up in a scratching fit all over my tummy. The only solution I had last night was to douse it with alcohol over and over until the itchiness subsides and when it's dried, I would pour cornstarch powder over. After which, I would probably be able to sleep for an hour until it happens again.

Now, I'm buying calamine lotion, hope it does its promised job. And make me sleep longer than an hour. I will also try to do some home remedy: Oatmeal and/or Aloe Vera. Keeping fingers crossed that one of these work for me. :D

A doctor's visit and the dreaded weighing scale

It's not good news.
3 out of the four things she told me were bad news.

I gained 5 lbs. over the last 3 weeks. :(

I have rashes around my belly. The news ain't that bad, I just need to put hydrocortisone cream on it.

The doctor said with my tummy size, there's a huge chance I'll have to give birth through caesarian section, which she'll know for sure on my 38th week. The fat surrounding my birth canal may make it hard or impossible for a normal delivery.

The only positive thing she said upon checking of my fundus (height of the uterus), the baby isn't overgrown, so there's still light at the end of the dark tunnel. Still a chance at normal delivery.

For what it's worth I think I can will a normal delivery.

What's in a Name?

It amazes me how opinionated people can get regarding your own choices.

I've never really liked my own Given name. It makes a confusing sound that people often mistake it for another more common sounding name. I started abhoring it, ever since I became aware that there was another girl in our little baranggay, about my age, with the same name -- too much for originality. I abhored it to a point that, I campaigned to be called Sunshine by people in our neighborhood. Later on, I made my peace with my name (I really don't have much of a choice, anyway. And in the Philippines, changing names is an expensive and rigorous court process, unlike in other places like England. I digress.)

So as early as 4th grade, I had my thoughts as to what I'll name my future children. The list goes:

Sofia, Serena, Alexis, Anthony, Elijah, Ethan... All very western sounding. That's because the television I grew up watching (save for Batibot) would have these western names.

I was already living in Boracay, about 2 years ago, when I made a concious decision to name my future children in a very Filipino sounding, hopefully meaningful, name. Thus my first dog is named SinagTala (Tala for short), our first cat is TakipSilim (Silim).

Sometime in August or September last year, during one lazy afternoon, while Josua was target shooting and I was knitting a cotton scarf. I brought up the "What would we name our future children game?" That was when I learned that Josua wanted his children's name to start with a letter K, for some reason he cannot explain. So I settled with that, making sure that the final decision would be mine as long as the name starts with the letter K, with clarification that the name would be Filipino and would have a dictionary meaning.

Here's a rundown of what we came up with:

Girls:
Kalangitan - Heavens/Sky (doesn't sound right)
Karaniwan - Ordinary (who would want to name a child ordinary?)
Kutitap - Shine (doesn't sound like a name)
Kislap - Twinkle (PERFECT!)

Boys:
Kidlat - Lightning (too harsh, and I know someone with that Given name)
Kalayaan - Freedom (didn't pass Josua, and again the same person above has this for a second name)
Kawayan - Bamboo (Kidlat Kalayaan's brother)
Kahoy - Wood (no really! who would wanna be named Wood? and be nicknamed Woody?)
Kulay - Color (TO ME THAT'S PERFECT!)

For the longest time during the 1st and 2nd trimester of my pregnancy, we thought we were having a girl. And we kept calling my tummy Kislap, I searched for a second name to be attached to this. My final option was Kislap Chaya. After finding out that we are infact having a boy, it took about two weeks to get used to calling my tummy Kulay.

I was so set on having Kulay only as the name but Josua thought it needed a more macho companion for a second name. He wanted Kulay Makisig and I was set on Kulay Dakila. Until I found out someone else in our baranggay was named Dakila, and Makisig just sounds too showbiz for me.

After about a week or two of some convincing, Josua was okay with just Kulay. YESSS!!!

I don't think I have told my mom what I'll name my kid, cause I just don't want to hear what she'll have to say about it. As for Josua's mom, as much as she doesn't like it, she just won't say anything.

Among my friends, it's a mix of: "That's nice."; "It's a bit feminine."; "I like it."; "Such a "cool" name!" Generally a positive reaction, I should say.

As I was sending out the baby shower invites, I heard the worst comment regarding our choice of name: "Kulay ang pangalan? Ang baduy!" (The name is Kulay. How corny!) I think I handled it pretty well with an answer: "Wala kang pakialam!" ((not sure how to translate this one) What do you care!) and cut the conversation there.

As far as Josua and I are concerned, we love the name we've chosen. And I can only hope that Kulay will love it as well.

symptoms

During my first trimester, I was lucky enough not to feel any of the horrible pregnancy symptoms like nausea and vomiting. Everything seem normal except: my boobs hurt like a pincushion and I can't seem to get enough trips to the bathroom.

I have an amazing appetite even if not pregnant, so I don't think any of my food cravings pre and during pregnancy were any different.

And Oh Yeah! Boy, could I sleep! Nap time wasn't a favorite time of day because I was napping ALL the time.

Come my second trimester, I was so used to my first trimester symptoms that everything seem normal already even my boobs have quit growing fuller.

However, I have started noticing my belly bump, I think sooner than most first time moms-to-be. Although, to a stranger, I would probably just look like a fat lady with a big gut. I couldn't wait to look really pregnant so I'd get special treatment (like say when I ride the train.)

Now, on my third trimester, looking ever so pregnant and about to pop anytime. I have that constant need to explain that my tummy was already pregnant looking prior to pregnancy which stays around the belly even during pregnancy making me look 2 months ahead of my term (see profile picture taken at 6.5 months). Hahahahha!!!

Also, my nails seem to grow a mile a minute, needing to be trimmed more often, which is a huge problem with the toenails! I wake up about 3-4 times every night to pee! Other than the bothersome pee time, I have woken up itchy and scratchy all over my body and sweating like there's no tomorrow even if my sleeping husband is curled up under the sheets, obviously feeling cold.

The sweat (hot flashes) attacks, aren't exclusive to night time distress. I think I could already find a job in PAG-ASA (weather forecasting office) as a walking humidity barometer, to a point that I can almost predict when the rain is going to come.

And all the sleep deprivation just wants me to go to bed the entire day but that just ain't possible. So I usually end up knitting like a zombie, committing a lot of mistakes along the way, frogging often and re-doing almost finished projects, with armpit soaking in sweat. SIGH!!!!

Speaking of armpits, I think some stranger has taken over mine. I can't recognize them anymore, even Josua can't recognize them. They're so dark it's like someone smudge coal on my armpits and sad to say, neckline too!!!

With all these seeming complaints, I still feel blessed with an easy enough pregnancy. Even after the fact that my OB discovered a cyst in each of my ovaries, there aren't any real bad symptoms: Both my hands and feet have not swollen, I can wear my rings and not feel bad, I still fit in my old closed shoes (although, I opt to wear slippers, because they're just more comfortable); I have only gained reasonable weight, despite my mom's disapproving looks (we'll know more this coming Tuesday's doctor's appointment); I'm still able to do most of the things I did pre-pregnancy; My cysts have gone smaller upon regular ultrasound check ups. (YEHEY!!!); And I guess, thanks to my "balanced" diet, I've only been constipated once, and this was on a trip, without easy toilet access.

All in all, I just can't wait to get into the worst or best part of it all --- LABOR DAY!!! I've heard the worst but also know of some people who made it sound so easy. Now, I wonder, how would mine be like? You'll know.

Hand Knitted Newborn snappable vest/shirt

I decided if I were to make a line of hand-knitted (hand crafted) baby clothes I'd brand it "Made by Mom."

Here's the first baby top I've ever made.

*It's seamless para walang bumps na irritating kay baby.
*It's a wrap around para madaling isuot. (Not from the head)
*It closes via snaps.
*It's made of cotton.
*It can work as a vest for colder weather.

wrapped in Mama's love.

I actually started making this as soon as I found out I was pregnant. Super excited. At the rate I was going, I could have finished it before my birthday in Feb.

Sadly, I guess cause I just lost interest for a while, after finding out about the existing cysts in my both my ovaries, I had to set it aside.

I picked it up again in late March. However, a new batch of yarns came from the states, which inspired me to make booties and mitts and hats, so I set this aside once more but finally had the will to finish it in the last two weeks.

A lot of work went into this. Although, I know Kulay might only use it when we leave the hospital, I still feel that it will be worth it.

nothing but a pea-sized zygote

As a first entry this will be a long one...

I think it was August last year when I first had that real "itch" to be pregnant already. My partner and I have been together for a year, then and have started living together (that my parents know of) that month.

This is so childish a reason, but I was really majorly envious of my dog, Tala, she just gave birth to 6 pups, starlets is what I call them. It was just amazing how natural motherhood happens even to a dog who got lucky the first time she got laid on her first heat cycle! (I digress.)

So I got off the pill (it was making me fat anyway). Every month there after, I'd feel pregnant and be disappointed after doing the home pregnancy test. In November, up to the last stretch, I was willing to not enjoy a party (i.e. not drink, and boy can I drink), cause maybe, just maybe, I was finally pregnant. I know we've only been trying for about 4 months, but it feels like forever, and that something might be wrong with either of us, that doing the injectibles and being on the pill have ruined me for life.

By December, I tried not to think about it too much, sort of. By this time, Tala, I'm sure, was pregnant again on her 2nd heat cycle. GAaahhh!!!

It was a Christmas wish/prayer that Josua and I shared on Christmas Eve to be blessed with a baby. Please...

Before New Year's eve, I had that "I'm late!" feeling again, however this time there was more to it than gut feel... I didn't partake in the "celebrations" that night, even slept early with a nag in my head that this maybe it! Josua didn't want to buy another kit yet again, and be disappointed yet again. He wanted to wait til I missed my January period but as New year's day rolled by I was becoming edgier. By January 2 he came home with 2 HPT kits, to be sure.

And boy was my gut feel very right! I found myself in a whirlwind of emotions; happy; elated; couldn't believe it; wanting to laugh out loud; wanting to scream; but instead of words, laughter, or a shriek, it was tears that started pouring when Josua hugged me.

Although by scientific calculations our conception date might have been between the 8th and 17th of December, I still firmly believe that our Kulay was created by that prayer we made on Christmas eve and the fierce lovemaking we shared thereafter.