nothing but a pea-sized zygote

As a first entry this will be a long one...

I think it was August last year when I first had that real "itch" to be pregnant already. My partner and I have been together for a year, then and have started living together (that my parents know of) that month.

This is so childish a reason, but I was really majorly envious of my dog, Tala, she just gave birth to 6 pups, starlets is what I call them. It was just amazing how natural motherhood happens even to a dog who got lucky the first time she got laid on her first heat cycle! (I digress.)

So I got off the pill (it was making me fat anyway). Every month there after, I'd feel pregnant and be disappointed after doing the home pregnancy test. In November, up to the last stretch, I was willing to not enjoy a party (i.e. not drink, and boy can I drink), cause maybe, just maybe, I was finally pregnant. I know we've only been trying for about 4 months, but it feels like forever, and that something might be wrong with either of us, that doing the injectibles and being on the pill have ruined me for life.

By December, I tried not to think about it too much, sort of. By this time, Tala, I'm sure, was pregnant again on her 2nd heat cycle. GAaahhh!!!

It was a Christmas wish/prayer that Josua and I shared on Christmas Eve to be blessed with a baby. Please...

Before New Year's eve, I had that "I'm late!" feeling again, however this time there was more to it than gut feel... I didn't partake in the "celebrations" that night, even slept early with a nag in my head that this maybe it! Josua didn't want to buy another kit yet again, and be disappointed yet again. He wanted to wait til I missed my January period but as New year's day rolled by I was becoming edgier. By January 2 he came home with 2 HPT kits, to be sure.

And boy was my gut feel very right! I found myself in a whirlwind of emotions; happy; elated; couldn't believe it; wanting to laugh out loud; wanting to scream; but instead of words, laughter, or a shriek, it was tears that started pouring when Josua hugged me.

Although by scientific calculations our conception date might have been between the 8th and 17th of December, I still firmly believe that our Kulay was created by that prayer we made on Christmas eve and the fierce lovemaking we shared thereafter.